


back to the start

by firstpynch



Category: The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Gen, I have no idea how to tag, M/M, Not Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Compliant, Pining Steve Rogers, Time Travel, author has no idea how time travel works and is pretty much winging this entire thing, iron dad angst, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-14
Updated: 2019-07-14
Packaged: 2020-06-28 08:02:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,859
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19808110
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/firstpynch/pseuds/firstpynch
Summary: Steve and Tony go back to when it all went wrong.They have one shot to fix this.Whatever it takes.





	back to the start

**Author's Note:**

> Do I have a thousand things to update? yes. Am I adding one more to the pile? Also yes. 
> 
> I realised that it's weird that I haven't completely ignored endgame ever happened yet, so here ya go. But with angst. Because it's me.

“Do you trust me?” Tony asks, because he needs to know, needs to know Steve is hundred percent, irrevocably in on this. He needs to do this.

Steve looks at him for a long moment, his azure eyes boring into Tony’s brown ones. Steve looks at him with a ferocious intensity, as if trying to look into his soul, as if trying to find the answers in Tony’s heart. Tony Stark has always been one to conceal, conceal everything he has ever felt because he is a Stark. _Stark men are made of iron,_ his dad always told him, and iron is a metal. Iron doesn’t have feelings. So that is what Tony did, he became Iron Man. He built a large iron wall around his heart, and no one had been able to get past it since.

That is, until Peter.

Peter radiated warmth, a bright glow that could rival the sun. The kid was sunshine – light, happiness – everything good in the world. The kid’s warmth had melted the iron around Tony’s heart before Tony even knew what was happening.

But the kid was gone, and Tony was left vulnerable.

And that, that is why he needs to do this. He needs to save Peter; he needs to save his kid. And for that, he needs Steve.

“I do,” Steve says with sincerity, and Tony smiles as he puts the coordinates in to go back to when it all went to shit.

* * *

When Steve and Tony open their eyes, they are at the Avengers Compound, and seven years younger.

Steve looks around in wonder. “It worked,” he said breathlessly. “Tony, it worked.”

For the first time in five years, Tony feels a sense of hope blossom in his chest.

“FRI,” Tony calls out. “What is the date today?”

“It is 27thApril 2016, Boss,” FRIDAY says. “I am detecting a weird signature from you both. Are you okay?”

“All in due time, FRI,” Tony grins, turning to Steve.

“This is the day before I leave for the MIT conference,” Tony says. “Which means it’s the day before I sign the Accords, and a few days before the shit storm in Lagos.”

Steve nods, “so all we need to do is stop our younger selves from making the mistakes we did. Should be a piece of cake, knowing my stubborn streak and well… you.”

Tony flashes Steve a cocky grin, and it feels almost like old times. “Never knew you to back away from a challenge, Capsicle,” he says. “Old age finally catching up with you?”

Steve scoffs. “Only one of us here is married, the father of two kids and a white fox.”

Tony pushes his arm playfully. “You take that back, Rogers! I am not a day younger than 20.”

They both laugh, a moment shared between them that feels seven years too late. Not for the first time, Tony wonders what could have been if they had taken the plunge themselves all those years ago, if they had just stopped being stubborn for two seconds and sorted it out.

“Tony,” Steve says suddenly, his face morphing into one of seriousness. “You know what will happen if we pull this off. This may change our entire timeline. We may go back to completely different lives.”

“That’s the plan, Steve,” Tony says, swallowing the lump forming in his throat. “We make sure we never broke the Avengers up, we prevent Thanos from being able to execute his plan in the first place.”

“And in the process, we change everything else. Tony, we might prevent Morgan from ever being born. You ever meeting Peter.”

“No,” Tony says. “We won’t erase Morgan. Don’t ask me how I know this, but I do. I just know we’ll go back to my little girl. And as for Peter…” Tony laughs humourlessly. “Never meeting Peter is part of the plan.”

“Tony?” Steve asked, confused. “You’re doing this to bring him back. You said as much.”

“No,” Tony disagreed. “I am doing this to save him. Save him from the cruel fate Thanos gave him, yes, but also save him from me. All I’ve done is put him in danger. If it wasn’t for me, he wouldn’t have been on Titan in the first place.”

“Tony…” Steve sighs. “That wasn’t your fault.”

“It doesn’t matter.” Tony says bitterly. “It still happened, and this is the only way to save them.”

Tony brought his hand up to clasp Steve’s shoulder. “Whatever it takes, Steve.”

Steve’s eyes soften with grief, and perhaps even a little bit of pity.

“Whatever it takes.”

* * *

Tony is hit with an overwhelming sense of grief and nostalgia as he approaches the doors of the lab. From the transparent walls, Steve can see Tony – past Tony (Anthony?) - hunched over whatever new genius he is cooking up, his hips swaying steadily to the loud rock music that is no doubt playing in the room. This was another Tony, the Tony without seven years of trauma and betrayal and hurt, the Tony that still trusted the world around him, the people around him. 

This Tony didn’t have to face his worst nightmare, didn’t have to see half the universe die before his eyes. This Tony didn’t have to feel _his_ entire universe crumble between his fingers.

_Mr Stark, I don’t feel so good_

This Tony didn’t know the darkness that comes with losing every shred of hope. He didn’t know the way in which life felt monochrome when dealing with a loss of a child.

_I don’t wanna go I don’t wanna go Mr Stark please-_

Tony took a deep breath, closing his eyes to remind himself of Peter – his curls, his face, his never-ending energy.

_I’ve got you, kid,_ he says to the air. _I’ll get you back._

“Stop the needle, FRI,” he says, walking into the lab with his confident Tony Stark swagger. “And drop the blinds would you, we need some privacy in here.”

Anthony swerves around, staring at Tony with unconcealed confusion.

“ _What_ -“ he says, “the ever-loving _fuck_?”

“Oooh,” Tony says, taking a seat right in front of his counterpart, “what would Cap say if he heard you? You’re offending America’s golden boy here.”

“Who the fuck are you?” Anthony says, his fingers slowly edging towards his gauntlet prototype.

“Come on, Tones,” he says, standing up and walking around the room. “You certainly look in the mirror enough to know. And that gauntlet is just a prototype, I assure you it doesn’t work yet. Don’t embarrass yourself.”

“How the fuck do you know that is just a prototype?” Anthony asks.

“Because I made it, dumbass.”

His pacing brings him back to right in front of Anthony.

“Sit down,” he says. “We have a lot to discuss.”

He takes a moment to feel pleasure about the fact that the only person who seems capable of rendering Tony Stark speechless, is Tony Stark.

-

Steve knows where his past self is just as well as Tony knows where his counterpart is.

The reason is slightly different, however.

Tony being in the lab is the safest bet for anyone. That is where he is most of the time, after all. That is where Tony feels the safest, where he can shred the Stark name and just be _Tony._

Steve knows his counterpart is in the art room, but not because that is where he usually is. In fact, Steve seldom is in his art room. Tony had made him his art room for his birthday a few years back, ensuring that it is equipped with the best art supplies. It was everything Steve dreamt of having as a child, and yet it didn’t stroke his artistic instincts quite in the way Tony’s lab did. Steve’s art room may have the state-of-the-art facilities, but it didn’t have his muse.

Steve knew his counterpart is in the art room, because this was the time when Steve was finally trying to build a future with the man he was (is) in love with.

Steve had a whole plan – a painting of Tony Steve had been working on for _months,_ one that he knew just from the rough sketches made his feelings clearly apparent. Even now, Steve remembers the day that had etched an image of Tony into his head. He knew by then, just a few weeks after the Avengers unanimously decided to re-band to fight inter-galactic evil all those years ago, that he was in love with Tony Stark. He didn’t know when it happened, or how, but he remembers seeing Tony asleep on his shoulder one day during movie night and caught himself thinking about how if that was the last image he ever got to see, he would die a happy man. But this particular day, not too long before Ultron, Steve had walked into Tony’s lab one day to see his face illuminated with a blue glow that made him look ethereal. Steve is an artist, conditioned to see the beauty in everything, but looking at Tony that day, all he could think about was that he needs to have this, have _him_ , in his life, for the rest of his life, or he might die.

That is why Steve knows his counterpart is in the room across the hall from Tony’s office, frantically trying to work on a portrait that would be his way to express the feelings he had kept hidden for so long. Knows, because he had planned to give that painting to Tony with his heart two days from now. Two days from now, three days before the day Thaddeus Ross had walked in with a stack of papers that changed their lives forever, a week before Steve had placed a heavy stone on his heart as he drove the blunt edge of his legacy into his love’s heart.

He takes a deep breath outside the mahogany door of the art room, and then pushes himself in.

* * *

“So you’re telling me,” Anthony says, flabbergasted, “that two years from now a big purple alien is going to try to invade the Earth in order to carry out his deeply flawed homicidal plan, and we’re going to lose because Steve and I manage to have a falling out so bad that we break apart the Avengers, so we’re not prepared for the big threat when it comes?”

Tony nods, “more or less, yeah.”

“We’re not prepared,” Anthony repeats again, “just like I predicted.”

Tony nods again, “just like we predicted.”

Anthony smirks, “is this a good time to go tell Rogers to suck it because I was right?”

Tony can’t help but laugh. “Oh trust me,” he says, amused, “I did it. In a very dramatic fashion.”

“Why do we have this falling out, anyway?” Anthony asks, his face suddenly serious.

“Come on, you’re a genius. Why do you think?” Tony has a nagging feeling that he should not tell Anthony about the real reason, no matter how much he wants to. The real reason for his and Steve’s problems were never about the Accords. He knows this, deep in his bones. The real problem was Steve’s lie by omission, but Tony knows himself. This Tony – he needs to hear the truth from Steve if they have any hope of ever fixing it.

“The Accords. Steve won’t agree with them, will he?”

“He won’t,” Tony agrees. “And you and I both know he has every right to.”

“They’re a work in progress!” Anthony exclaims. “We can change it later on.”

“You don’t know that,” Tony says. “And neither does he. Think about it Tony. Steve Rogers got fucked over by the government more times than you or I can count. Can you honestly blame him for not trusting them with his _family_?”

“So what do you want me to do?” Anthony says, sitting down with a sigh. He hunches forward, holding his face in his palms and slowly massaging his forehead. “117 countries ratified this. This is the only way we can keep the Avengers. Otherwise we’re going to lose them.”

“Tony,” he says, placing a hand on his shoulder. “You’re going to lose them anyway, if you don’t do something about it.”

“You’re going to bring the Accords to Steve and the rest of the Avengers before Ross does.” Tony says. “You’re going to let them talk about it, think it through, and then you’re going to listen to any changes they want to make. And then you’re going to make damn well sure they’re implemented.”

“They won’t listen,” Anthony says.

“Are you shitting me? Of course, they will,” Tony says. “They try to pretend they don’t care about the Avengers to take some control, but they wouldn’t survive two days without us, and they know it. They will bend over backwards for us. You just need to know how to play them.”

A slow grin spreads across Anthony’s face. “You,” he says, “are a genius.”

“I’ve certainly been told that before.”

“Just one more thing,” Tony says, before he goes. “I know you’re chasing up a lead on Spiderman. Leave him out of it. Out of all of it.”

“What?” Anthony asks, confused. “What makes you think I will listen to you?”

“Tony,” Tony says, his voice dropping to a level of serious that he knows fazes Anthony. “This one is non-negotiable. Is saving the world a priority? Absolutely. Is making sure we keep the Avengers intact important? Yes. But I am here risking my life and the future I have built for myself for the sole purpose of keeping this kid alive. And the only way to do that is to make sure he keeps the hell away from us.”

“He dies, doesn’t?” Anthony asks. “In the future?”

“Yes,” Tony says simply.

“He dies because of us? Because of me?”

Tony hesitates for a second, before replying. “Yes.”

“You care about him.” Tony says it as if it is a fact he already knows, not as a question in his head.

“More than I hope you don’t have to know.”

“Okay.” Anthony agrees eventually. “I’ll make sure he keeps out of it. I’ll make sure he never meets Tony Stark.”

* * *

“You need to tell him,” Steve says, bursting into the art room.

His past counterpart turns around to face him, his face white as a sheet.

“What,” he says, his azure eyes comically wide, “ _the fuck_?”

“Hello Captain Rogers, I am you from the future, here because we managed to fuck up to such tremendous proportions that a big purple alien invaded the Earth and used magic stones to commit mass genocide.”

“Now that we have gotten the introductions out of the way, let’s discuss how we can avoid the epic screw-ups you are going to commit so that half the universe _doesn’t_ get turned into ash.”

It is truly a testament to all the weird shit that Steve Rogers has witnessed in his lifetime that his past self doesn’t question his hasty explanations, but just wipes his paint-stained hands with a white cloth because gesturing at Steve to take a seat.

“And what is this screw up you say I need to fix?”

“Well,” Steve says, “there is plenty. But I think the straw on the camel’s back was the big secret you’re hiding from Tony.”

Steve can see that that is the moment Rogers finally believes Steve’s messed up story, because his eyes droop with shame.

“I can’t tell him,” he says, his voice suspiciously wet.

“You have to,” Steve says softly. “You’ll lose him if you don’t.”

“I’ll lose him if I do too.”

Steve gets up, walking over to stare at the painting of Tony for a second.

“You know why Thanos – the alien – wins?” he asks. “He wins because in a week’s time, Tony is going to find out the truth from someone who isn’t you. And you are going to try bluff your way out of it. Then fight your way out of it. You are going to betray him, nearly kill him, and break him beyond repair. And in doing so, you’re going to break up your entire family beyond repair. The Avengers won’t be together when Thanos invades, because you couldn’t get over yourself enough to tell the man you love the truth you know he deserves.”

Perhaps he is being a bit harsh, he knows this. But he needs to be.

“Do you know who is going to suffer for it? Bucky, who you swore to protect. Sam, who has been by your side through all of it. Wanda, Vision, _half the universe_. A _sixteen-year-old kid_ who fixed Tony when you were the one who broke him. The kid died in Tony’s arms, and Tony has been living with the guilt every day for _five years._ So no, I don’t care about how hard it would be to admit the truth to him. You have to. You’re Captain America, aren’t you? Go save lives.”

“What about Bucky?” Rogers asks, his voice small.

“Look me in the eye and tell me you think Tony would do anything to harm Bucky.”

Rogers sighs. “Okay,” he says. “I’ll talk to him.”

**Author's Note:**

> this should have at least two more chapters, depending on how it goes. 
> 
> And for those of you waiting for the Avengers Fam fic, I PROMISE I am trying to get it done for next week. Really, I'm trying. The angst just keeps calling my name.


End file.
